Happy Valentine’s Day, and welcome to my read-through of Chapter 176: Dream and Reality, in which we come back to the beginning, I am sappy, and the future looms ahead of us, unknown and beautiful.

If you’re not caught up, please use this index here to do so. There are no spoilers past the current chapter.

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Dream and Reality Summary

The Day has Come

On September 4th, at 6:00PM, Saiko – now with a driver’s license – uses his newly bought Ferrari, dressed in a suit, to pick up Miho.

He opens Taro’s notebook and reads an extremely dense note. Taro notes that his feelings for Miyuki are unlike anything he’s felt for anyone else. Things click, and he feels perfectly comfortable around her. He always wants to be perfect around her, and that makes him feel good and calms him down. He’s confident Miyuki feels the same. Once he becomes a top manga artist, he’s going to propose.

He reads another passage where he explains that Miyuki feels it too, and she’ll realize that he wants her by his side the whole time.

Oh man, oh man. I’m not ready.

Taro explains that for his proposal, he should come in a luxurious car. A bright red Ferrari!. A spider thin. Even though he’s never seen one, that’ll be nice.

Saiko reviews the remainder of the proposal and then sees one more note.

The happiest time in Taro’s life was sitting next to Miyuki in middle school. Saiko feels the exact same way.

Reversi begins airing, and the Azuki family starts watching. Mina freaks out, so Miyuki gently tells her to be quiet.

To see the opening theme and the music by Ashirogi – plus some anime drawn panels of Schwarz and Weiss – Miho watches quietly.

Saiko sits in his car, remembering the first time he asked her to be the voice actress in their anime.

It Came True

Saiko’s dream is going to come true. He remembers her when she promised to be a voice actress.

He’s waiting for the exact moment Naho says her lines.

She says it. She says it.

HOUSTON NAHO HAS SAID THE LINE.

MIHO tears up. The dream came true. Yes, it fucking did, Miho, yes it fucking did.

The episode concludes and the sponsors come up. Mihoko thought it was really good. Miyuki – polite non-weeb mom – thought the show was very fun. Miho thanks them.

Mihoko expects Saiko, who was going to come when their dream came true.

She gets a call.

Saiko’s outside her house. Miho will come out shortly.

Miho rushes to meet her beloved, and Mina teases her about being in a hurry. It must be Saiko, right? That’s why he’s dressed up.

Miyuki thinks she looks very pretty and wishes her luck. Miho rushes out the door.

Feeling Safe

Miho and Saiko see each other, post dream come true. Miho’s surprised by the car’s luxuriousness. She thinks it’s not in character for Saiko to drive something like this. He knows, but this is how it’s supposed to be.

THESE FUCKIN TWO.

Their hearts are literally pounding as they sit in the car. Miho observes that it’s strange, but they haven’t seen each other for a long time, and her heart is racing, but she feels relaxed. Saiko agrees; he feels comfortable when he’s around her. It makes him feel relaxed, too.

She notes the happiest time of her life was sitting next to him in middle school.

Miho told that to Kaya, and Kaya thought she was weird. But even though they just sat next to each other, she was happy.

Sako doesn’t think it’s weird. He felt the same way. In the classroom. The hospital, the train. Always on his right side. Just like this car.

She asks if that’s why he got the car.

No. It was his uncle Taro’s dream. He wrote down that he was going to buy a Ferrari to meet the girl he was in love with. But he never got to do that. So he wanted to fulfil Taro’s dream on his behalf.

SAIKO. NO. I can’t handle it.

He doesn’t know anything about cars, but he’s glad he got this one with the driver’s seat on the left side so she could sit at his right side.

Miho thinks that’s so him and perfect. Miho expresses that she was afraid Saiko might have changed since they last met; she’s glad to see he hasn’t.

She then asks who the woman was. Saiko confirms it was Miho’s mother. She thinks about their failed romance, how they exchanged letters for many years, and nothing came of it. However, she succeede.d

Saiko breaks her out of her reverie with a request.

Oh, Shit, here it comes.

Put on your seatbelt, we’re driving somewhere.

D’OH

He drives off with people watching him in his fucking Ferrari.

Another passage from Taro is shown: Taro wants the words for his proposal to flow spontaneously out of him. he wants to take her to a place where they can bring back memories; he’s confident that his words will just come out on their own.

Where it All Began

They arrive at Miho’s house. OR the one where she lived for many years. Saiko’s surprised to learn that it’s still her house.

Miho explains that her mother is very fond of Yakusa, so her father kept the house for when they would come back one day. Miyuki comes once a week to clean everything up.

Miho wonders why Saiko brought her here. He explains: this is where he talked to her for the first time.

We get flashbacks to a dramatically different art style of Saiko, Shujin, and Miho from Chapter 1.

This is also where they talked for the second time, the day of their graduation. A memorable place where they spoke to each other. And where they promised to get married too.

Miho wonders if Saiko’s thinking about the proposal and her promise to wait forever.

He definitely fucking is, Miho. Don’t worry about that babygirl.

Saiko gets ready to ask again. And then falters, again.

It’s just like graduation again: he ended up standing outside for half an hour, saying nothing. Saiko psychs himself up: he’s 24, he has to do this. He’s a grown man, not a middle schooler anymore. He wills himself to say it.

You Haven’t Changed

He’s about to ask, and about to say it, but then thinks they’re pretty young. Only twenty-four.

Saiko panics internally. That’s NOT what he meant to say. He feels bad, and like he’s betraying his uncle: he doesn’t have any natural words to say to Miho about this very significant thing.

Miho looks at the gate and mentions it’s been exactly 10 years since this journey started—ten years since they talked for the first time.

Saiko’s in turmoil: they’ve worked tirelessly and so hard for ten years, supporting each other without seeing each other. Miho’s feelings haven’t changed at all. He’s determined to tell her. She put everything toward this, and so did he. He has to hurry up.

But Miho turns around and smiles.

She’s glad he hasn’t changed in ten years. He’s just the person he was when he was 14.

Saiko asks what that means.

He’s grown up

He’s fulfilled his dream

And the environment around him has changed rapidly. But he remains unchanged. She’s glad he hasn’t changed.

Suddenly, he sees her not as just the 24-year-old he loves, but the girl he first saw when he was in middle school.

Saiko starts THE FUCKING PROPOSAL HERE WE GO

He announces to Miho that his manga will be animated, and she will voice the heroine.

The Dream Has Come True.

WILL YOU MARRY ME?!

WOOOOOOOOOOO

Miho takes a moment, walks down to him, and asks about the other promise they made.

What is that?

She kisses him on the lips. Lifts her feet up.

They say each other’s name.

And she tells him: Now they can always be together.

ON that beautiful and happy note, the chapter and the series of Bakuman conclude.

Dream and reality Reaction

Give me a second. I need a second

…..

…..

*sniffle*

God, that shit is so cringe. Where you describe what you’re doing in the moment, like it makes the blog feel more humanistic because you are describing theoretical actions set to whatever you’re writing about. It’s a little too twee, and it’s meant to be endearing, and if I did it right, it should be.

But also

*bawling*

Yeah. Summing this whole chapter up has been absolutely horrendous for my tear ducts.

I did not expect a weekly read-through would do me in like this.

But here I am.

I don’t know how much is left to say. Maybe a lot. Maybe not all that much. But I don’t want to force it.

And there are so many ways this final chapter could have gone.

God, it’s actually the final chapter, after close to 7 years, it’s the final chapter. But I think this is a beautiful end to the series.

Yes. It has tropes that I want to go over that are also some of my favorite closing moment tropes. And yes. I want to talk about Taro and the finale.

But first: Goodbye, Bakuman.

I’ve been a lot more lax about the personal anecdote shit because, well, this is my blog and I’ll personally anecdote if I want to.

But yeah, I’ve said everything I’m about to say a bunch of times in the last few chapters, but the weight of it is finally settling on me here.

It’s Over

I might re-read the series one day – although that’s probably not going to happen based on my reading habits. I will definitely watch the anime – more on that below – and I have to actually emotionally accept that I am no longer going to have an excuse to set aside a few hours of my week doing a close reading of a chapter of Bakuman, thinking about the stuff I liked, making a metafiction joke, and then sepculating – usually incorrectly – about what’s going to happen next.

I have plans to do another read-through. But you never forget your first. And the weight of this is kind of crushing.

I thought this was going to go fast, believe it or not.

I didn’t realize writing 3000 words per chapter would be so time-consuming, or take so much emotional effort. That baring myself like this would involve a lot of loneliness and a lot of quiet time and patience.

I didn’t realize I would have several waves of becoming a weeb in the process of learning all about manga. That I would feel so radically different about this ending than I did when I read that first chapter. That my writing style would change. That my priorities would change.

That I would learn to feel that comfort around certain girls that Miho and Saiko discuss.

That I would lose it, and then find it again.

That I would continue pursuing my own artistic projects, some of which are now starting to come to fruition in a real way.

And, in some ways, I attribute that to this read-through. Seeing Saiko and Shujin pursue their dreams inspired me to pursue my own dreams methodically and patiently. Taking it a step at a time, but still working hard.

I lost 50 pounds, then gained a few back. I found a life. I stabilized.

I found purpose. I found routine. I moved.

And now this is over. And I feel such a profound loss knowing that this phase of my life is giving way to something new. Maybe something better, but ultimately unknown.

And I feel, acutely, the loss of these characters I’ve grown to love

But we should probably talk about the chapter a bit

Circling Back to the Beginning

Yeah. Another classic finale trope that’s tried and true, but basically is a guaranteed winner: going back to the beginning. In this case, it’s Miho’s first house, which, when I read this the first time, I assumed was the house Saiko had bought for her. Instead of the fucking Ferrari, which I admit was shocking. And the chapter title is the same, too.

But then I remember he got his driver’s license. Woopsie. Also, he’s a big shot mangaka making a ton of money because he’s the number one artist in Japan.

anywhozle.

This kind of narrative symmetry is a beautiful thing to see and watch because it kinda primes the audience to remember the whole journey they’ve taken.

It’s always so fun when reading a series that has gone on for a long time and dramatically simplified its art style, showing panels from the very beginning of the series where the designs were much more elaborate and intense.

You could chalk it up to the fact that 10 years have passed, or that makin ga series for over 3 years is going to be pretty challenging to maintain if you don’t streamline the art style to make it more fluid.

But yeah. b coming back to the start, you get to feel the weight of the journey you’ve been on. And it creates this nice little immediate understanding of what a huge understanding this has been.

I think it was probably planned that it was supposed to be exactly ten years. I’d have to look at the first chapter to see if it was 10 years to the day- but I wouldn’t be shocked if that was the case since they were starting school in the first chapter.

And with that legitimizing repetition, we obviously get the perfect words for Saiko’s proposal.

The First Thing He Asked of Miho (He hasn’t changed)

Yeah, seeing him say the first thing he ever said to her as an act of courage to emphasize the truth: he hasn’t changed in the most fundamental ways, and he has changed in all the ways that matter, was such a beautiful, simple way to get him to admit his feelings.

I do like that the awkwardness from a few chapters ago, where he got really technical about the accomplishment of their dreams, was, as I assumed, nervousness because he didn’t spend any time with his beloved. So he felt extra nervous.

But that’s what Miho liked about him. His passion is art, not public speaking. Even though he’s mega successful, he hasn’t become an a dick. He’s still a hard-working, earnest, lovable boy who is doing his best and has reaped the rewards of all his hard work.

I think I’ll do that, too, sometime. Maybe I already heave.

And she loves that he’s still awkward and a little shy. Because she loves him completely for who he is. I didn’t share the panel, but the moment when she says that was absolutely perfect. Because it was drawn so beautifully, and it was such a simple, effective way to share what their love actually is, and how it actually operates.

And even though I will always dislike the narrative device, one of the other saving graces of their dream is the truth of one thing.

The Feeling of Relaxation

So.

I have felt this feeling only twice. And it was in the last few years. The person whom I recognized for the first time is no longer in my life; fortunately, however, it’s not because I destroyed the relationship through stupidity. It was complicated.

But that feeling of comfort is not conscious. It’s fundamental vibrations. It’s just that prior knowledge that this person is safe to be around. It’s like all the muscles in your body loose, and you can just…fucking be yourself.

That feeling of safety is profound, and, fortunately for Ohba, it can’t be created. It’s innate. You either have that feeling of safety around that special someone, or you fucking don’t.

I mean, it can be created, and there are instances where it grows over time. Look, I know this shit.

But when I felt that feeling of safety. That feeling of – I’m sitting next to you, and because of that I am safe and feel like I could say or do anything, and it would be okay because it was just me being myself is one of the most powerful feelings I’ve ever had

It didn’t feel like a whirlwind romance. It didn’t feel like grand romantic gestures.

It just felt like a part of me had found a home. And I could sit down, chill, and take my shoes off.

That girl is gone. But I have felt it with other people. And it’ll happen again/Has Happened Again. I’m sure of it. And it’s what real love is.

So even though I still hate the device that got them here, I’m willing to overlook it because that feeling of romance – that feeling of safety – is something no amount of experience can create. And because of that feeling, their relationship will always prosper.

But anyway

Taro

There really isn’t much to talk about in this chapter since it’s so focused on Saiko’s proposal or lack thereof. It was cute seeing the anime airing, and to see that Obata drew the art style to look more anime despite being manga.

And, fun fact, Anime drawing is different from Manga drawing. It’s not really obvious.

But I want to talk about Taro for a second.

I’m kinda glad Taro and Miyuki got a resolution in this chapter through Miho and Saiko. It was endearing.

But it was also so sad to see Saiko try to live out Taro’s dream so his life wouldn’t be a tragedy.

I think seeing those long passages from Taro in his journal – and how earnestly he loved Miyuki – makes his ultimate passing even more tragic. That feeling of safety and security that is so essential to long-term relationships was there. And he was so ready to do it. And he had to marry it to something that he could never have realistically accepted.

It just…really hurts. And even the Ferrari thing. Sure, it’s just kind of a silly thing. And we got some mild forewarning of it when Hiramaru started dating Aoki.

But he just wanted to show her that he did all this for her, even though he doesn’t seem to give a shit about cars.

It really hurts. And, on some level, it still scares me. Because even though I’m committed to my own success. Taro’s ghost lingers over me.

I will be successful on my own terms, but Taro is a stark reminder of what can happen.

And I’ll say this.

I’ve Been Moving in the Right Direction

For many years, I’ve systematically been pursuing my dreams, and they feel closer than ever. Things have happened over the last few years that have gotten me closer and closer. It’s one step at a time, and it feels more real than ever, which is why I commented on the change from dream to reality.

But you have ot keep doing the work. You have to keep looking ahead. Aiming for the top, yes. But never be blind to the stakes.

I’m no longer looking in Taro’s direction.

Like Saiko and all my shonen loves, I am looking towards a bright, unknown future.

I am looking forward to a future with a beautiful relationship with a girl I love. Or maybe something different, but that’s what I want.

I’m looking towards a future with creative fulfillment based on the art I love to make. I’m aiming for the top.

I’m aiming for the top of my field, and making money off it. Real money. real, liveable money.

I’m aiming for the top. And this series helped me get there.

And yes, this romance subplot is problematic.

But it’s also honest. It’s a real desire. And it’s powerful because of how impossible it feels.

For a long time, I believed that doing the impossible was my prerogative. And somewhere along the way, life hit me a bunch of times, and I lost sight of it.

But seeing this moment of love fulfilled, and love fulfilled honestly. Of someone simply wanting their partner to always be at their right side as they’ve always been.

Seeing that first kiss, so gentle and tender. And the final moment of rest. They never have to separate again. Miho can come to the studio and do her work.

They’re going to face challenges together.

Seeing that, with all the other people who helped realize it, they have gone on their own lives.

I fucking want it for myself.

And I’m going to get it. I’m confident of that.

Bakuman may not be the real truth. But it is true. And that’s enough for me.

And I hope it was enough for you, too.

Final Thoughts

So, there were minor things that were fun in this chapter, like Saiko literally knowing beat for beat when Naho would say her lines in the episode because he watched the screener fifty bajillion times.

And I loved Saiko’s little struggle to get the words out and trying so hard to be Taro and still failing until being himself saved him.

I loved the parallelism.

And I really love this series.

This has been an incredible ride to go on. It wasn’t one that was super well populated – I went to it mostly alone, except for a few commenters who were on the journey with me – and some site metrics that told me that there were other readers.

So I would like to take a moment to recognize and acknowledge you, my dear reader.

If you stuck with me from the beginning. Or you started reading recently.

If you read at all.

Sincerely, thank you.

I know there are readers out there, even though the numbers aren’t huge. And I’ve thought of you every moment I wrote this series. Even when I lost my job(s) or I was going through the absolute most difficult things in my life, I knew someone out there was hoping for the next chapter of this series. And even when it took extended hiatuses, I planned and wanted to see through this read-through to the end.

I’m still determining next steps for this website.

I’m probably going to do another read-through, which is to be determined.

And I also want to watch the anime for Bakuman.

But I think, given everything, I’m probably going to watch that on my own.

As much as I loved reading this series and sharing my thoughts with you, my loves, it’s also been difficult.

Cleaning these up, editing them, writing them, making sure you get your money’s worth in content for each chapter, and that I leave no stone unturned.

It’s hard.

So I’m probably going to watch Bakuman the series on my own. I’ve earned that right. But if that changes, I will let you all know.

But that doesn’t mean I’m done writing for my website, or that I’m going away.

I’m probably going to need a break, though. But when I come back.

I hope you will join me.

Hopefully, I’ll be one step closer to making my dream a reality.

I love you so much for taking the time to read this series with me. And I’m going to miss this.

But I’m ready for the next part of the journey.

Hopefully I’ll see you there, too.

Until then,

Eric is over and out

Peace